Some fun conversation followed in the comments, but one particular thought stood out to me. Here is what someone said in response to what I wrote:

Jon…its all talk until you delete him out of your ITUNES

I really like that comment, because I really want it to be true.

When I bump into challenges in my faith, I want the solution to be as simple as deleting a file from my computer. (Or, in my case, removing it from Spotify.)

I want to press a button, feel a twinge of completeness, and walk away. But there’s a problem: That’s never worked in my life.

It didn’t work in the seventh grade when I would go on a retreat, get on fire for God, throw CDs away, and then buy them again a month later.

And it’s continued to not work. Despite the barriers, steps, and plans I come up with, I keep doing things I don’t want to do and not doing things I want to do. Just like Paul said.

The truth is, that’s what’s so frustrating to me about God. I want him to give me a to-do list. I want him to give me some action items, and he keeps refusing.

I say to him, “Give me a solution.” He says “I gave you a savior.”

I say, “Give me something that will fix me forever.” He says, “Walk with me today.”

I say, “I want a present from you that will change me.” He says, “I want you in my presence.”

I want a quick fix. I want actions. I want progress I can control and monitor. And instead, in the face of all of that, God offers me something incredibly simple.

Relationship.

Why? Because that is the only thing that will lead to renewal in my heart. All the plans I craft will eventually crumble. All the good intentions I might have will fall apart. All my willpower and discipline will abandon me in my greatest time of need. But one thing remains steadfast: My relationship with God.

It’s messy. It’s slower than I want. It’s not always the shape I’d like it to be because, though I know what I want, God is the only one who really knows what I need.

But the truth is, if I want my heart renewed, if I want my soul sanctified, if I want to be the new man God’s always known I could be, I have to trust in the relationship. I have to return to the relationship. I have to give all to the relationship.

If you read this and think, “OK, I don’t need a filter on my computer. Actions and plans don’t matter,” then I’ve done a poor job writing this. It’s not that actions don’t matter, what matters is where they come from. The actions that blossom from my relationship with God are completely different from the actions that start in my own desire to fix something.

If you’ve got a song you don’t think you should listen to, then delete it. Delete it all day. But just know that actions alone won’t change your heart. We are not designed to renew ourselves. What a sense of freedom and release from pressure I felt when I first realized that. Trying to fix me with me is exhausting.

True change, heart change, life change, can only come from one place, your relationship with a God who already commissioned the action that matters most, the death of his son on the cross for you and me.

Fourteen years into this crazy thing, I think I can finally answer that question.  The best thing you can do is be YOU!

The Problem with Borrowing Vision

I’m so fearful that the large majority of church planters out there are borrowing the vision of others when planting their churches instead of hearing from God and doing what He uniquely has called you to do.

I have even heard a very well known preacher say, “if you don’t have a vision for your church, borrow one.”  That has to be some of the worst advice I’ve ever heard.  Here is some better advice: If you don’t have a vision for your church, don’t start one.

Pursue Your Own Calling

The last thing your city needs is another church with casual dress, a wanna be rock band, and you casting the same old vision everyone else has cast.

God doesn’t need another ____________ Church, but He does need the church He called you to plant.  Quit worrying about what is cool or what everyone else is doing and start doing what God called you to do.

Unique Visions Win

In my previous life, I had the honor of being around a lot of the pastors/churches that everyone seems to trying to copy. I have ate with them, chatted with them, and spoke at their churches and the funny thing is when they started they weren’t trying to be __________ Church, they were secure enough to know God called them to do something unique and they did it.  I’m a huge believer that is why these guys are change their cities!

The churches you are trying to copy, weren’t trying to copy someone when they started, they weren’t worried about who thought it was “cool” and they certainly weren’t concerned with whether or not it was the “in” thing to do.

Four Key Steps

Get Free

One of the most freeing days of your life will be the day you discover the vision God has given you and you quit trying to be something you are not!

They’ve been advised by well-meaning believers that they must address it with the person. They are certain it will be received wrong, but they were told it’s the “Biblical” thing to do.

I may be wrong, which wouldn’t be that unusual, but I don’t think that’s always true. I think what they have to be able to do is forgive in their hearts, reconcile the disagreement in their own minds, and move forward with their lives without the conflict continuing to haunt them. If they can’t do that, then I would agree…they must confront the conflict.

Not every conflict, however, is necessary to be resolved. Sometimes, two people may have to agree to disagree and, if necessary, be willing to go separate ways to avoid future conflict. (Read the conflict between Paul and Barnabas in Acts 15.)

Based on the disclaimers listed, here are 5 questions to help pick your battles:

Can I move forward without holding a grudge or being resentful in my heart? – If not, do you need to confront simply to clear your heart to be whole again?

Will I be able to change their opinion if I confront them? – If not, then is there any value in the confrontation?

Is it impacting other people? – If your conflict is simply between two people, then what’s the urgency of the conflict? If others are affected by your disagreement, then some sense of resolution may become necessary.

Does my heart lead me to confront? – We can’t dismiss the Spirit of God working in our lives. If the issue won’t leave your mind, you need to do something.

Am I at peace with things as they are? – If you are at complete peace and the thought of confrontation only makes you miserable, then are you sure you are supposed to confront? Again, a conviction to confront should not be avoided, regardless of the fear involved, but if you are already at peace, why disrupt the calm?

Have you had a relationship you simply couldn’t reconcile? What questions would you ask?

1. Where do you place the importance of preaching in the grand scheme of church life?

The Spirit of God moving through the preaching of the Word is the driving force at The Village. Our groups rally around it, our missions flow out of it and our community is built on it.

2. In a paragraph, how did you discover your gifts in preaching?

It was quite by accident. I began by the invitation of a friend to teach a Sunday School class my freshman year of college. God did some tremendous things in that class and it led to other opportunities to teach. I had a bad experience at a small church before I arrived in Abilene and didn’t think I was going to end up in the church. God continued to grow my influence as a teacher/preacher and about a year later I was preaching in front of about 1000 college students every Thursday night.

3. How long (on average) does it take you to prepare a sermon?

On average 6-10 hours. It used to take me much longer but the more I have studied and preached the quicker it has started to come.

4. Is it important to you that a sermon contain one major theme or idea? If so, how do you crystallise it?

I think it’s extremely important to tap into a major theme or point so that your hearers walk away knowing what the Word said about whatever the theme or point was. I know this will sound like an oversimplification but I want to let the text crystallise it.

5. What is the most important aspect of a preacher’s style and what should he avoid?

This is a hard question because I think everything from context to content plays into the answer. I think a preacher needs to be himself. To learn from other preachers but not when all is said and done to emulate them.  In a day where you can listen to anyone and watch anyone by simply clicking a button on your phone or computer I think it’s important to find your own voice so the kingdom doesn’t get a carbon copy of someone else.

6. What notes, if any, do you use?

My notes are a bit of a hybrid manuscript/outline. I try not to look at them while I am preaching so I study those notes and pray a ton before I step out on stage.

7. What are the greatest perils that preacher must avoid?

The greatest peril for a preacher is wanting the acceptance and approval of his listeners. This is a serious thing that we have been called to and we will regularly have to say things that our culture thinks is foolish and the religious find offensive.

8. How do you fight to balance preparation for preaching with other important responsibilities (eg. pastoral care, leadership responsibilities)?

It’s important for me to do both so I set aside blocks of time each week for both. Tuesdays and Thursdays are study days for me.  I put together sermons and pray and study on those two days. The rest of the week I am meeting with people and trying to shepherd well the people God has asked me to lead.

9. What books on preaching, or exemplars of it, have you found most influential in your own preaching?

John Stott’s book Between Two Worlds and John Piper’s The Supremacy of God in Preaching are two of my favorite books on preaching. I more recently read Tony Merida’s book Faithful Preaching and thought it was excellent.

10. What steps do you take to nurture or encourage developing of future preachers?

The main two ways we nurture and encourage is reps and feedback. We want to create different venues for our young men to preach and then we want to give them honest and straight feedback about how they handled the text, how they engaged the crowd, whether they communicated clearly, etc.

I’m just a self-published blogger without book deal. I’m not a real writer.

I am a husband but my wife makes more money than I do. I am not a man.

I am not an athlete. I drop the ball and look like a gazelle when I run. Because of this I have been called a girl, a fag, and a homo so I must be gay.

I once told a joke where I made a derogatory comment about someone whose skin color is different than mine. I was fired the next day. Now I am a racist.

I cheated on my girlfriend in college, which means I am untrustworthy.

I received a D on my six-grade report card, and did not graduate from high school with honors. I am an idiot.

I broke a promise to my mother that I wouldn’t take a drink while I was in high school. I am no longer a man of my word.

I write about being a gentleman, but I’ve taken things too far with a woman and never called her again. I am a selfish pig.

I say I have a heart for the homeless, but I’ve ignored them if giving change would inconvenience my day. This makes me a hypocrite.

I believe in the Gospel, but I once denied my love for Jesus to a woman because she was an atheist and I thought she might sleep with me. I am unforgivable.

I am alone.

I am the only one struggling.

Do you still want to know who I am? Do you still want anything to do with me now that you know I’ve been labeled a liar, a cheater, a hypocrite, and a sex addict?

We are labeled a lot of things in this life, and it starts the moment we are born. Maybe this why we come into the world crying. Because deep down inside we know we are innocent and we want to stay that way, but everyone is already assuming the worst about us. And we are defenseless. We believe we are a product of our environment rather than the product of intelligent design and love. All it takes it one mistake in the gym class to be labeled a “wimp,” and a “fag.” One day of wearing the wrong outfit your freshman year of high school to be called out and beat down by the “popular” kids.

Can you picture a world where we walk around every day wearing shirts plastered with the labels: “Liar,” “Cheater,” “Porn Addict,” “Gay,” “Abusive,” or any of the atrocities we commit against ourselves and each other? A life where we let those around us shape the perception of our reality with their opinions of us? Where everyone has embraced the labels given to them without question, and accepted the lie of what was said about you in the locker room after gym as truth? Or letting your identity lie in one past mistake, one feeling or lustful thought?

The most dangerous part of labels is how easily we can become what we’ve been labeled.

I used to watch pornography every day, but my identity is NOT as a recovering sex addict.

I blog, am self-published, and do not have a book deal, but I AM a writer.

My wife makes more money than I do, and I am STILL a man.

I have spoken in a derogatory manner to someone with different skin color than me, but I am not a racist.

I have broken promises, and as a result I make sure my “yes” means yes and my “no” means no.

I graduated high school with GPA under 3.5, but I am intelligent and capable.

I cheated on a girlfriend in college, but my wife trusts me entirely.

I have ignored the homeless and I am a hypocrite, but I am NOT alone.

I am not the only one struggling.

Who am I?

I am Max Andrew Dubinsky.
I am a sinner.
I am forgiven.

Those are the only labels that do not lie.

But it had looked like it at one point. Apparently, Paul had faced strong opposition when he had first preached in Thessalonica. People had accused him of preaching from false motives.

He was just after money.
He was just trying to tickle ears.
His teaching was heretical.

When the opposition was actually happening, most probably would have called Paul’s visit a failure. A waste of time even.

But we know it wasn’t a failure. And we know because this letter exists. Paul is writing to the church he established on that visit. Apparently, the gospel had taken root, and the church had even expanded after he left. Paul’s work wasn’t in vain.

Many of the things that we consider failures in our lives really aren’t failures at all. They’re just stepping-stones to God’s purposes in our lives.

It doesn’t feel this way immediately. In the middle or immediate aftermath of a failure, it can feel like our efforts and time were wasted. But this is not a necessary truth. We serve a God who can work all things for our good. Who can turn failures into successes. Or use them for successes.

I’ve seen this repeatedly in my own life.

One of the most discouraging days of my pastoral career was when our church was scheduled to sign a contract to occupy a facility as an additional campus. Everything looked promising, but then we were shut down at the last minute. On the surface, it looked like a failure. But a year later, we ended up getting the building when we were more ready and better positioned for optimal impact. We’ve now seen hundreds come to Christ in that building.

It wasn’t a failure.

There have been sermons I have preached that I thought I did a terrible job delivering. And then hundreds of hands would shoot up during the invitation.

It wasn’t a failure.

I’ve had speaking engagements where I had no clue why I was there. It felt like a waste of time. But then I would meet someone who years later has now significantly impacted my life.

It wasn’t a failure.

I’m not saying things don’t go wrong or according to plan. Or that you’re never going to experience failure. Because you are. Plans are going to fall through. Expectations aren’t going to be met.

But you have to keep the perspective that there is no failure in your life that is beyond God’s power to use for good and turn into a success. Your screw-ups can become God’s setup for what He wants to do you in your life. Your greatest disappointments can become God’s greatest display of His power to work redemption.

Your failures might not turn out to be failures after all.

*I’m so excited about one of the first conferences I’m speaking at in 2012 called “Velocity 2012″ put on by churchplanters.com. It’s an incredible gathering of pastors and their wives seeking to have a greater missional impact. Would love to see you there this February. For more information you can go HERE. Below is a post I did for their blog on Monday that I thought was pertinent for all of us as we begin the new year.

“We are now faced with the fact, my friends, that tomorrow is today. We are confronted with the fierce urgency of now. In this unfolding conundrum of life and history, there is such a thing as being too late. Procrastination is still the thief of time. Life often leaves us standing bare, naked, and dejected with a lost opportunity. The tide in the affairs of men does not remain at flood-it ebbs. We may cry out desperately for time to pause in her passage, but time is adamant to every plea and rushes on. Over the bleached bones and jumbled residues of numerous civilizations are written the pathetic words, ‘too late.’”

Martin Luther King, Jr.

I love this quote.

Sometimes you and I are paralyzed by procrastination.

We hide behind the idea of “someday.”

Someday I’ll ask her out.

Someday I’ll apply for that new job.

Someday I’ll have that difficult conversation.

Someday I’ll start to immerse myself in Scripture.

Someday I’ll start saving money.

Someday I’ll take that risk.

Someday. It might be the most dangerous word in the English language.

Don’t let “too late” sneak up on you. Stop aiming and pull the trigger.

Today is your day.

Now is your moment.

FILL IN THE BLANK: Someday I’m going to ___________________.

But the truth is, I know a secret. I know how you can actually cheat the system. It has nothing to do with dumb luck, chance, or good fortune. Instead, it has everything to do with what you can control…yourself. I’m not saying you can escape trial or pain, God promises us that we’ll have our share. But I am saying you can choose your response ahead of time.

You can live your life by design or by default. It’s your choice.

So here’s 12 reasons to guarantee your 2012 won’t be any different. (My advice? Do the opposite and then sit back and watch what happens):

1. You have self-limiting beliefs: I can’t. I’m not smart enough. I don’t have the money. I’ve failed before. Etc….
2. You can’t make decisions: You believe in “keeping your options.” Little do you know it’s killing you.
3. You don’t know what you want: The truth is that If you don’t know what you want, you’ll never get what you want.
4. You haven’t killed your biggest critic: Quit celebrating the drama inside your head. Instead, be the lead in your own life.
5. You’re not an arsonist: You can’t give what you don’t have. You can’t light others up if you’re not on fire.
6. You don’t want to make your mark: Take action. Get off the bench. Get in the game.
7. You believe you’re lacking what you need: Because you think your impoverished you live in poverty.
8. You fill your life with noise: Pascal said it best, “Distraction entertains us and leads us imperceptibly to death.”
9. You’re asking the wrong question: When you ask the wrong question you get the wrong answer. You should not ask, what will it cost you to act? You should ask what will it cost you NOT to act?
10. You choose to be a victim rather than a victor: We are either Victims (we let the world happen to us) or Victors (we happen to the world).
11. You’re too scared to live your dream: Faith or Fear? One of them is pumping through your veins right now.
12. You give God too much credit: We don’t take risks. We blame God. We look to others to tell us what to do.

I know becoming a Soul on Fire can be scary. In 2011 I took some major steps. But I am more alive than ever.

On January 4th, 2012 we launch the Secret Name Team. My question to you is: Can you give me one good reason why you shouldn’t join? We’re a tribe from all over the world, all with different dreams, banding together to form a community of Ignited Souls. We’ll save a seat for you. But your spot won’t stay open long. Isn’t it time to take the step and make your 2012 different?

As they say, if you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got.

Leadership can be difficult.

Okay, I’ve just stated the obvious. Anyone who has led a group or organization knows that tough times and tough decisions are inevitable. The issue is not whether leaders will find themselves under pressure; the issue is how leaders will handle pressure. Allow me to offer ten suggestions.

1. Avoid spiritual slippage.
Many effective leaders are incredibly focused on their work, so much so that they neglect their spiritual disciplines. Leaders under pressure must depend more on prayer; they must spend more time in the Word; and they must realize their wisdom and their strength come from God.

2. Avoid family slippage.
Busy leaders sometimes neglect their families. Such leaders under pressure often disregard the most important people in their lives. Great leaders must first be the right kind of leader in their homes.

3. Avoid physical slippage.
I recently had my annual physical, and my physician once again reminded me that I needed to remain diligent in my exercising and eating habits. He noted there is no way I can sustain the energy necessary to cope with the pressures of my job unless I am taking care of my body.

4. Love those you lead.
Sometimes the pressure in leadership is great because we don’t first love those we lead. Indeed we aren’t really leaders at all unless we demonstrate Christ’s love to those who are under our leadership.

5. Be transparent.
It takes so much more unnecessary energy to be someone we’re not. Transparency means we are authentic and lead with integrity.

6. Admit and deal with mistakes quickly.
As I write this article, I am dealing with a tough issue where I made a leadership mistake. I have admitted my mistake and now feel the freedom to move forward. If we postpone tough decisions, or if we do not own up to our mistakes, the pressure will only get worse.

7. Be accountable.
Every leader needs accountability to someone or to some group. Those persons should always be checking our actions and our motives. And when we face either internal or external pressures, these persons are among the first who can help us.

8. Use fun and levity as a balance.
Many leaders take themselves too seriously. We need to lighten up and laugh more. A truly joyous person can withstand almost any pressure.

9. Have a longer-term perspective.
The crisis of the moment often makes us feel as if our world is about to end. But leaders who understand that most issues will takes care of themselves in time are better equipped to deal with the seemingly heavy burdens of the present.

10. Have an outside interest as an alternative focus.
I have three major outside interests: my grandchildren, reading, and Alabama football. When I am playing with one of my grandchildren, for example, I feel as if all the pressures I was feeling are really not that bad after all. Those grandchildren give me a healthy perspective.

Leadership is indeed difficult. And good leaders will always feel pressures and have problems they must address. But the most effective leaders will deal in healthy ways with those pressures and, as a result, be healthier leaders themselves.

That’s one of the foundational truths that I learned while creating the new 6-week DVD Bible study, “Pursuing God’s Love: Stories from the Book of Genesis.” The study examines six different stories from the Book of Genesis and what those ancient stories mean to us in our modern world. The study is designed to take participants through the entire book of Genesis and explore the unflinching love of our creator.

For any leaders who may want to study Genesis in the new year, we’re providing the DVD Bible study for FREE with the purchase of 10 participants guides ($8 each). Simply email us and let us know about this special offer at info@margaretfeinberg.com.

Margaret Feinberg (www.margaretfeinberg.com) is author of the new “Pursuing God” 6-week DVD series with Zondervan. Become a Fan on Facebook or follow her on Twitter @mafeinberg.